this and that

visiting teaching for me has been a little sore spot for me. when i was on my mission i really started disliking numbers. i felt the pressure that we had to have so many gospel finding discussions, so many first discussions taught, so many baptisms, etc. that i felt that some missionaries were working for the numbers instead of loving the people and following the Spirit. so when i came home the dislike of numbers continued with me. when kevin and i lived in fresno i was assigned to two sisters. i thought about them a lot but it was a struggle for me just pick up the phone and make appointments with them every month. finally one month about five days before the end of the month my visiting teaching supervisor called me to see if i had done my visits because if i hadn't they would have someone do it for me. that did not sit well with me. it seemed they were so focused on numbers and i couldn't deal with that. so i talked to the relief society president and asked to be released as a visiting teacher. i wasn't a visiting teacher again until we moved to arizona. i was assigned two sisters. this time i was determined to be a faithful visiting teacher. in relief society the visiting teaching coordinator made it seem that the numbers were the most important thing - and would give us guilt trips if we didn't do it. but i persevered.

then we moved into our house here. i was assigned to two sisters. as we started visiting them we started to grow friendships with them. it was really nice. i was really excited about visiting them. and then they changed my route. i was devastated. then i was assigned to a route with single sisters - inactive sisters - they worked, didn't have kids. i started to feel like i was being grouped with theses sister because they didn't have kids, and they worked. i wanted so badly to get to know more sisters in the ward and didn't want to be ostracized because of not having kids and that i have to work. and i didn't really know my visiting teaching companion. i was discouraged. i sent them letters but wasn't really into doing anything else.

then they changed my route again. this time i knew my companions, and the sisters i was to visit - and they had kids and didn't work. i finally started to feel like i was like any other sister. we were more consistent with visiting them. and then our ward split. and a new route ensued. i kept the same companion and was given two sisters to visit.

one of these sisters i really connected with and we've started a genuine friendship. friendships for me have been difficult for me to make. i'm shy first of all. and i don't have kids - i work. and both those things makes me feel like i don't fit in with those around me. i have a totally different lifestyle, a totally different life.

so this friendship is really meaning a lot to me. it's nice to have someone to talk to. someone that understands exactly what i'm going through. someone who looks forward to seeing me as much i look forward to seeing her.

with all this said i'm starting to have a real testimony of visiting teaching. i'm still not a fan of the whole numbers thing. i'm really trying to do my best. i'm just focused on helping the sisters i visit.